Being broken open

On a sunny day in Asheville in a crystal shop I spotted along the road, I held a geode in my hands. My eyes took in the glitter of the crystals that had grown within, but my mind was on my son, my daughter, and where we were all headed.

We had escaped for vacation to the mountains of North Carolina for a week, and I relished the opportunity to spend some time focused on my children. I sensed that some change was on the horizon – my daughter’s epilepsy and mood disorder were getting worse. My son was growing older and more independent. Part of growing up, really. I knew that changes were coming, and I wanted this time with them.

So in the cool of the store my eyes were on the beauty while my mind was swirling. The store owner brought me back to the present when she said “We have absolutely no idea of the treasures within each one until it is broken open.”

I smiled, finished my business in the store, and joined my kids and husband outside.

I didn’t know about the nights we would soon spend in the hospital with my daughter. I didn’t know about how rarely I would see my son in the next few years as he strove to identify with his father and sought to become his own man. These things are easy to write, but they were hard to experience.

Above all, I didn’t know that my life was about to be broken open again. But broken open it was.

During that time I tried in vain to find peace. I exhausted myself trying to change the circumstances. But (of course) the only thing I could change was myself. I had to learn how to accept and even embrace what was going on in our lives, trusting that somehow it would all work out. That moment of surrender was my breaking open. That was when I discovered the jewels that had been hiding inside of me. Patience. Faith. Strength. Courage.

I started to write in earnest about creating sanctuary, and worked hard to create one for myself and for my daughter. Soon after, I knew I should write a book about it. And it was when I started writing, really plumbing the depths of my own truth, that I realized most people need help creating environments that will help soothe the rough edges of their souls.

I didn’t know that this idea of sanctuary would be so instrumental in healing my own family, calming my daughter and welcoming my son back home. I didn’t know that it would remind me of the deep wells of love within me. And that every experience is rich with treasure.

There is no happy ending here. There are still challenges. And yet there is peace, because when the challenges come I know that I have the fortitude and grace I need to embrace them. And I have this place that reminds me of who I really am, my sanctuary, where I can relax, and let go of my worries and stress. I can get back to feeling calm and centered. Then and only then can I find my wisdom and sense of peace. Sanctuary truly is something that happens both within us and around us.

I bought that geode. It sits front and center on my desk. Every time I sit down to write, to design, to dream, it reminds me of the treasures that I carry inside. Treasures that were revealed most eloquently the moment I was broken open.

With gratitude,

Lisa